the fisherman's 3 wishes
by ani quinter
Summary: Some men can never please their wives. This is a story of one of those men. Will he come out good or bad? Let's see... i really don't know here... i'm lost, and nobody reads these stories anyway, no matter how good they may be. Have fun not reading.


Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to the original story, but if I am not mistaken, this story is so old that you don't need rights to screw it up. Isn't it after 200 years its fair game? Or am I mistaken? Well anyway, here's the disclaimer.

Once upon a time there was a fisherman. In his mind, things couldn't be better, sure there were problems but everything was good. He had a wife that put dinner on the table, and a job that he loved to do. The reason he loved it so much was because his wife's only real good trait was that she put food on the table, but the fisherman didn't complain. He was never home long enough to care.

Of course it never occurred to him that if he were home more often his wife would stop nagging, and complaining. All she really wanted was attention, but now back to the narrow scope of a man's world.

So the fisherman was spending a lovely overcast day on his boat when he caught the most amazing fish. Its scales where a multitude of shades. They were gold and coppers and silvers. Then an odd thing happened, the fish started to talk to him. The fish plead for its life, and told the fisherman he could have 3 wishes if he was let free. The fisherman didn't believe anything that was happening but went along with it anyway. What was one fish after all the fish he had caught today? He went back home and told his wife the story. She was pissed that he didn't sell the fish and maybe for once bring home some money so she could cook a decent meal, and he could fix the roof. The fisherman didn't think her meals were bad, in fact he thought they were great, but he said nothing.

This was another mishap... no matter what she said, she wanted a compliment, so she got even more mad, but anyway... So the next day after sleeping on the raggedy couch he went back in his boat. On a whim he called out for the fish, and was very surprised to see the fish come to the surface. The fish asked what his wish was. Hoping to for once please his wife, the fisherman asked the fish for a new stove with dinner already cooking on it. He hoped that she would be happy to net cook diner and to have a new stove. When he got home he was expecting to find a happy wife waiting for him. Unfortunately his wife was at the process of doing errands in town when the new stove and cooking food popped out of nowhere into the kitchen. By the time the wife got home half the kitchen was burned to the ground, and by the time the fire was put out the whole kitchen was gone. The wife was pissed as all hell. Rather than direct her anger at him, he ducked into the tool shed and started working. The wife rifled through the remains of the kitchen and found the new stove. She went to the tool shed and asked her husband about it. Afraid that lying would make matters worse, he told the truth. Naturally when a story is that outrageous it is considered to be a lie. So the fisherman spent another night on the couch.

The next morning the fisherman went fishing, and again called for the fish. This time he wished for a new house, hoping that with a new house his wife wouldn't nag him about the burned kitchen and other things that needed to be fixed in the house they had. When the fisherman went home, he was surprised to see his wife again upset with him. One problem was that nothing was in the house, it was completely empty. The wish did not entail that stuff would be in the house. Another was that his wife was freaking out over the bills they would have to pay. This house was considerably larger, and therefore taxes would be much worse. This time the fisherman spent a long cold night on the bare floor all alone, while his wife slept at her mother's house.

The next morning the fisherman was fed up with his wife's complaints, the wishes, and the fish. So he went in search of the fish again and wished his wife would disappear. As soon as the fish told him his wish had been granted, the fisherman scooped up the fish and knocked it dead with a mallet. The fisherman got home, and was disappointed to see his wife there. He regretted killing the fish, but was then relieved to see his wife was carrying divorce papers. In the end, the house was sold and the money was evenly divided. The wife didn't believe her husband would ever make enough money to justify asking for alimony. So the whole thing was over with quickly, and both sides were happy to be out of the marriage.

After the divorce was finalized the fisherman did just what his wife first told him to do. He sold the fish to a very rich and crazy man who believed the dead fish was his long lost wife. With the money he was able to buy another small house, and continue his life in peace and fishing.


End file.
